Rules for Family Dinner
Some unsolicited tips from an "old" mom
In the front section of my cookbook, Dinner is Done, I shared my family’s rules for dinner. Feel free to adopt these or create your own routines surrounding family meals. Let’s be real, it’s hard enough to pull off a sit-down family dinner without adding a bunch of “rules,” but these are really just encouragements. Maybe we should call it that instead. Encouragements for family dinner. Or “wishful thinking” for family dinner, wink wink.
My hope for you would be to start creating a dinner routine and make it a priority. Trust me, when your oldest goes off to college and your next one a few months away from leaving home too, these dinners will be a memory with a gold luster surrounding the edges and without the memories of bickering or complaints over the menu. Over the years, we’ve had our fair share of dinners when someone ended up in tears, one sibling was mad at another, or things didn’t go as planned, but these rules have helped me create an intention and habit of sitting down together.
1) No phones or electronic devices of any kind. TV off. Music encouraged.
2) Set the table. We use inexpensive placemats and paper napkins. Nothing fancy—it’s more about the ritual. But you can use cloth napkins that are machine washable and inexpensive. Or mix and match vintage plates. Let your kids set the table when possible. Sometimes my husband or I just set out all the components for the table and let everyone help set up their spot as they make their way into the kitchen.
3) Napkins in laps.
4) Take turns to talk and listen. It can be difficult for all of us, but it’s a learned skill. Practice starts at home.
5) This is not the time to harp on less-than-stellar grades, behavior, messy rooms or athletic performance. Trust me, I’ve done it and I’m continually tempted. But think of your dinner table like Switzerland: a neutral territory. There’s a time for all of that later.
6) Share a rose and a thorn: a nugget of something exciting or positive that happened during the day and anything tricky or challenging. It’s a great conversation starter. My youngest created “leaves” that are just stories that aren’t necessarily good or bad; they’re just eminently shareable.
7) Laugh.
8) Chew with your mouth closed.
9) Clear your dishes. Rinse them. Actually put them inside the dishwasher. Shocking for a teenager’s brain, I know.
10) Be thankful, grateful and polite to the cook. Someone planned, shopped for, prepped and cooked the dinner (most likely you!). A simple “thank you” will suffice. Even if someone else doesn’t particularly like what’s for dinner, they don’t need to announce it. They’re welcome to make a sandwich if they’ve tried at least a couple of bites and still don’t like it. But nothing that requires pots and pans, because no one needs more dishes to wash, most of all me!
Share your dinner rules or routines!
